GoDaddy: I Love You, You're Trashy, Now Change


I am one of your thoroughly satisfied customers. Bang-for-the-buck, you offer some of the most efficient and inexpensive solutions for domain registration and web hosting, and your 24/7 customer service line is staffed by the friendliest and most helpful people I know.

Why then, if you are so reliable and reputable, do you have to go trashing it up all over the place with your raunchy and embarrassing ad campaigns?

Listen, Go, (may I call you Go?) we've been doing business for a little while now. I like to think of us as more than just Web Server and Customer. I like to think of us as friends. And friends don't let friends embarrass themselves in their Super Bowl advertisements.

So have a seat, and just hear me out. It's for your own good.

1. For starters, take a look at your homepage. It looks like the inside of an Internet
piñata. There are pieces of brightly-colored marketing everywhere, topped with a vaguely pornographic navigation bar. When your website looks like a shady pop-up ad on 'roids, you may want to consider a redesign.

2. You don't need to market every product with breasts. What's more, your primary spokesmodel is Danica Patrick, an Indy race car driver.

I've been a GoDaddy customer for years and I've only just now figured out who the hell she is - which begs the question: Who are you marketing to, and do rednecks even have Internet access? (Though I suppose ain't gonna upload itself.)

3. Even though I really want to, I am embarrassed to recommend you to friends and colleagues, mostly because your name sounds silly and/or dirty. Still, it could be worse. No doubt the short list of potential names also included and

I'm sure you'll tell me that for every customer who flees in horror from your trashy commercials, there are ten more who gobble the cheap services you spam up your website with.

But I suppose if you continue providing great products and A+ tech support, I'll just have to overlook your drunken, pornographic shenanigans.

Still, I like complaining. It gives me something to do.

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