What The Hell, Underwear?

Every pair of pants, shorts, boxers, briefs, trousers, pantaloons, and loincloths I have ever owned has two distinct features:

A) An opening in the front for easy crotch access, and

B) A tag, denoting the back or "rear" of the garment, often with laundering instructions.

I recently purchased a pack of Nautica brand boxer-briefs and, as always, determined the rear by noting the tag sewn into the elastic band.

I wore them that day without incident.

I came home to lay around in said briefs (as I am wont to do) when my wife pointed out that I had them on backwards.

"Preposterous!" I shouted, finger to the sky. "The tag is in the back," I said, showing her the Nautica logo stitched neatly above my ass.

"Well so's your pee-pee hole," she replied.

Sure enough, the crotch access point was there too - ON THE SAME SIDE AS THE TAG!

What the Hell, Nautica?!

We have a system in place here! For thousands of years, it's always been: Crotch in the front, Tag in the back.

Who do you think you are? Is this your idea of a joke?

Well it's not funny! You're confusing and embarrassing millions of people.

P.S. Gents, do any of you actually use the underwear crotch hole? It seems like a lot of effort.

Please share your experiences in the comments.

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Nick said...

Sounds like it would be a bigger hassle to use the peep-hole for something other than a peep.

Marissa said...

I'm going to regret this, and my soul will rot in hell, but Nick, that was funny.

Anonymous said...

How did you not notice all day when you went to pee?! Or do you just not pee at work?

Nick said...

Perhaps Matthew sits down to pee. Damn, Lauren has him trained good.

Mark William Jackson said...

I love the indignation ""Preposterous!" I shouted, finger to the sky.."

Crotch holes are weird, I also don't like button fly jeans although I seem to own a lot of pairs. Too, too much fiddling.

Matt Silverman said...

For those interested, I do not use the peep hole for ANYTHING. Hence, I did not even notice it was on my butt until it was pointed out to me.

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