I Learned How to Defuse an Atomic Bomb on the Internet (and So Can You)!

You may know that the website eHow.com is, by its own account, "an online community dedicated to providing visitors like you the ability to research, share, and discuss instructional solutions that help complete day-to-day tasks and projects."

Basically, this means eHow has gamed Google to be the first result when you search for things like "How do I tie my own shoes?" or "How can I tell the sex of my ball python?"

So imagine my delight/horror when, in the course of my casual Interweb stumblings, I fell upon this eHow article titled: "How to Defuse an Atomic Bomb."

Now, there's a lot we could jump into right off the bat here, but I'm going to yield the floor a moment and let the article speak for itself:

"In all likelihood you will never come across an atomic bomb nearing detonation, and there is an even smaller possibility that you will be the most qualified person to stop it from exploding. If these situations do arise, however, knowing how to defuse the bomb could save hundreds of thousands of lives."

'Nuff said.

But allow me to point out a few issues.

A) The article presumes that all makes and models of atomic bombs (and their accessories) work exactly the same way. But what if you've got choice uranium fuel rods from Panasonic paired with a cheap Samsung detonator? I assume there's some type of Radio Shack adapter required in this situation, of which there's no mention.

B) Note the "Things You'll Need" list, which includes "Two metal boxes," and a "Hazmat Suit (if possible)."

C) If there is a human being on Earth who actually knows how to defuse an atomic bomb, perhaps his time is not best utilized writing posts on eHow.

Still, if you're not big on the techno-mumbo-jumbo and the "saving thousands of lives" stuff, you might still find some allegorical value in the article. As with most things in life:

"Be extremely careful. You cannot try again if you make a mistake."

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2 comments:

Marissa said...

Why, I always leave home in my Hazmat suit! Just in case, you know.

Matt Silverman said...

I know this about you. You really can't be TOO safe.

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