PETS: They Don't Understand What You're Saying

A recent AP poll found that one-third of married women consider their pets to be better listeners than their spouses.

When asked for comment, Pets responded that their complete inability to comprehend or relay human speech had no bearing on these findings.

Runners-up for the best listener prize just behind pets included:
  • Planks of Wood
  • That Foreign Guy at the Deli Who Nods at Everything I Say
  • Häagen-Dazs Ice Cream, and
  • The hit Fox musical-drama Glee

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